If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
