I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
