I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
