She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i now understand why vodka
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
