someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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