I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
