Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
