hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
