At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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