I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
