Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
