How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
