I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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