I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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