Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
