We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
