I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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