the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
