Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
do nipples grow back?
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