So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
