I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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