sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
