I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
