I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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