At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
