I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
