If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
