So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
