somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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