So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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