the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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