she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
