We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
