just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
