her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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