I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
as a side note pls kill me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
