I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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