Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We are all done wearing pants today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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