My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
