i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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