Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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