mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
