Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
