Duck Duck Cougar?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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