If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
