im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
