hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
