hotel room ftw
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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