He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
