That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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