My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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