My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
